Reconstruction Zone
September 30, 2011
Six months of angst. Six months of adaptability. Six months of progress. That is how long I have lived in Tampa with the lifestyle of a girlfriend, worker, student, daughter, and survivor. It hasn’t been easy nor pleasant the entire time. There have been the adjustments to make such as living away from my family as it seems I gained another one, the adjustment of the growing distance of friends—some of which have been more contributed to emotional than physical distance, the adjustment of balancing my independent self with the domesticated self, and the adjustment of discovering who I am when who I was was sacrificed. On my own to strengthen, deepen and enlighten on my own terms.
This is perhaps the best path I could take. How often do we feel oppressed, stifled and self-conscious because of the image we portray to others or of who others portray us to be? Reinvention is not just a concept for Madonna. Reinvention is for everyone who desires change, evolution, and excitement. My upbringing taught me that if I didn’t like who I was, if I didn’t like something about my life, change it.
Since I was fifteen, I have taken this concept and parlayed it into almost a career. I changed jobs, relationships, and attitudes as easy as changing my haircolor to dark brunette. One thing: I didn’t really change my attitude like I thought I was. This could be why I still wasn’t content. I wasn’t ready because I was still living a similar life. I wrote in a former blog, “I made a joke in my twenty-fifth year that I was having a quarter life crises since I was turning twenty-five. Now I am realizing, I have a quarterly crisis. I say that because, for a few months I am content and happy, then all of sudden, I am bored and restless.”
This was written in July 2010. It was a merely a year ago yet this could now be further from who I am. As I arrive home from my job consisting of monotony, cook and eat dinner, watch a movie, or do schoolwork, I find myself content with the mundane and boring.
There are times the ambitious girl peeks her head out and craves adventure and a more exciting career, however, the majority of time I am perfectly okay with where I am and not having an idea of what is my future. Living day by day, taking on piece by piece, is soothing. Although I lived in China, the most hardcore place in regards to adaptability, and traveled through Australia, which is pretty simple adaptability, growing accustomed to Tampa was more of a struggle. I suppose, because of my relationship and the job I liked, it was reality and harder to escape in case I didn’t like it. It seems that six months is fair breathing room. It gives a realistic estimate of the adaptation timeframe, of the length of time you stop thinking of your past as you attempt to live in your present, and the timeframe of when it starts to feel normal compared to strange.
As the six months of uncomfortably has past, the amp up for me to move to my official new home with my boyfriend, I have stopped longing for a life that is no longer mine, and I am able to think about my future in my new city, my new life. The friends that I have left behind and those that let me down, I don’t concern myself with as much as I tend to the ones I have. Coming to the realization that after my travels, if I returned to my former life, I wouldn’t have felt as much as an intense change from it and I wouldn’t have felt such a desire to change because of it.
“Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning,” Benjamin Franklin.
Contra Strong
August 31, 2011
It finally happened: I agreed to attend a contra dance with my mother when she was visiting. She had been dancing at them for fifteen years–at the time I was really good at saying no to anything my mom asked me to do. To explain: contra dancing is partnered (groups of four) folk dance styles with the couples dancing in two and facing lines, which is called a set.
My navigational skills were a bit skittish arriving there. Not surprised? Okay, then. Once I arrived, I walked into a big room with a concrete floor. My mother mentioned that it was a benefit dance, so the circumstances were not the same as prior dances. For one, it was a smaller venue and there were less attendees.
I arrived at the time for the lessons, however, since it didn’t seem that anyone was teaching it, so my mom decided to do that. She quickly ran through popular moves, which was good since I wasn’t briefed much once the dance officially began. It begins with a caller. The caller’s main task is to call the steps over the microphone; some dances the callers even make up. The first dance wasn’t so difficult in steps. It was more the constant spinning where I was literally out of breath and disoriented by the second dance. My thirst was prominent as well. Contra dancing involves a figure or eight counts. It is a dance measure comprised of steps. The caller gives the dancer a few steps that are repeated until the groups have danced with each other at least twice. There are also actives and inactives. Each couple will become inactive as the other couples dance the formation, and then the formation begins again. The set changes throughout the dance as the partner remains the same. Each dance formation down the floor leads to another set until the couple dances with each couple two times. It adds to a different experience each time and definitely is not a monotonous kind of dance. The main contra dance steps used during my experience:
Balance and Swing
Partners step up
Partners step back
Woman holds the shoulder blade of the man
Places feet parallel to the man
Spin together
Swing
Same as above except it is just spinning
Hay
Ladies pass through right shoulder to shoulder
Gentlemen pass through left shoulder to shoulder
It creates a weaving type motion.
Gypsy
Partners look at each other, not touching, while circularing around each other
Left/Right Allenmande
Two dancers join together in a left or right thumbs up grip and walk around each other
Courtesy Turn
The gentleman takes the lady’s left hand in his left hand, and puts his right hand behind her back to take her right hand at her waist and the man walks backward as the woman walks forward.
There were gentlemen who were friends of my mother who asked to be my partner and were patient to show me how to contra dance properly. Because of them, it helped in my amateurism. I also danced with my mother for a few dances, which was comforting since she knows what she is doing and guided me. Although it is considered a pastime for older individuals, there were younger people there on their own accord. Some of the ladies wore flowing skirts with flat shoes, which adds to the whole thing. I pillaged through the majority of the contra dance. The last dance was the one that broke me. The steps were:
Balance and swing your partner
Women Right Allenmande
Hay
Balance and swing your shadow (dancer who follows behind on the floor)
Turn to partner
Balance and swing your partner
My partner for the last dance was quite a character. He requested to pick me up and pretty much balance me on his knee as my head was almost to the floor. That was fun but distracting. You can imagine with all the spinning, I was extremely dizzy. I remembered and followed the dance moves pretty well despite not being able to see straight. A great aspect about contra dancing is when you don’t remember or understand the steps, a lot of times, your partner will guide you to the correct step anyway. During the dance, I couldn’t tell if I liked it or not since I was hungry, dizzy and confused. Once the dance completed, I realized, it was a really fun. It was good exercise too since I already was experiencing soreness in my muscles afterwards.
I enjoyed it, and I know my mother is very happy that I participated in it with her. I was even showing some of the dance moves to my boyfriend when I returned home. He says, he may try it with me next time. Contra strong, for sure.
The Grasp of the Past
August 10, 2011
Adaptability is a necessary trait for survival. However, the question remains how much one can adapt before it becomes overwhelming. The theme of 2011 is change. Abrupt change. Engagements, weddings, recent domestication, new jobs, different cities, babies, home ownership, not to mention breakups, makeups, and new love.
In the past six months since I returned from my travels, the constant change is something I have been dealing with. The evolution from a young adult into a bonafide grown-up. It isn’t just me, though. It is as if everyone close to me is going through upheaval as well – mostly good upheaval.
Whether it is coincidence, life chapter trajectories or some combination of the two, the course of my life and that of those around me resemble an undeniable influx of growth, and the adaptation to those adventures and obstacles that are thrown every which way has officially come to the forefront, leading to a simultaneous look towards the future and the past.
Take the burgeoning distance with my existing friendships and the re-kindling of older ones, for instance. As they say, one door opens right about the time another one closes. For me, I think about my past often. My mind wanders to a friend from childhood, causing a smile to come to my face, or my mind wanders to a friendship or relationship that went array. With adulthood, more responsibilities continue to arise, along with more memories.
Perhaps this is the reason high school reunions gain increased fanfare as each decade passes, that former friendships are refreshed as we grasp as hard as we can to the current ones. As we grow older, wiser, and stronger, memories start to become the most important thing we have. They act as our own personal history. Our own story for our trials and successes. If I think about it hard enough, I can identify the lesson and reason for each person I have met, for each experience I have gone through. Discovering that lesson makes the bitterness and anger subside or serves to influence my current happiness.
For example, without the friends who let me down, I wouldn’t have learned how to be forgiving and independent. Without the relationships that ended, I wouldn’t have learned how to show love and consideration. My trip to China, although it was negative in more ways than positive, taught me the important aspects to life and about patience and set the course of intense change in motion. As I glide (and trudge) through the rest of this year, I await the next events and the next group of people who will affect my life and memories. The past and the future align in a jagged circle and move quickly around. To grasp the past is where I stand in that circle.
As poet Drew Chalker, “People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.”
Yeah, I am still working on that part.
Family’s Value
July 28, 2011
He took a long drag on his cigarette and glanced up at the tall figure in front of him; the mahogany hair shining in the moonlight. The two of them hadn’t spoken in years. Time, distance, and lack of interest were the cause of it. There were no excuses or justification he could create to explain why the connection was broken. He couldn’t come up with any conclusion for how he ended up here. With his arrival, it was of no matter now. He grabbed the belt loop of his jeans with his thick, awkward finger, and said to the tall figure,
“I knew you would come despite everything that has happened. Thanks for not letting me down.”
The tall figure answered with a strong voice, “How did you know?”
“Because you are my brother; you are family.”
The common saying of family relationships versus friends is you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family. This may be true, however, a person can choose to stop talking to their family, they can choose to not be there for family, they can add distance between family, the person can choose to live an irresponsible life enough that the family chooses to disappear. They can choose to not feel taken for granted. Ultimately, there is more leniency on family along with just as much higher expectations. Family isn’t as criticized in the same manner friends and colleagues are, however, there are more expectations for mandate of given responsibilities.
The word “honor” was created for the action towards family. When not utilizing honor, it is common for some to not assert appreciation and priority towards those that share the same blood. Family time can become like washing the dishes—do when necessary. Take part only when there isn’t something better to do or there isn’t a friend to see who actually can affect the social life and enhance the person’s vain endeavors. A friend can decide to stop liking a person compared to family who may not like the person in a specific instance but will love them and be the similar genetic coding regardless.
How about that friend who you thought would be there for you, and then isn’t? How about that significant other who said they would always love you, and then didn’t? How about that family member who you assumed you had enough valuable time to spend with, but then it wasn’t? Family is not a fixed entity. Family is not a haphazard hobby. It is the foundation for set values, the heart of inner confidence and happiness, the seeking word for understanding and humility, and the first taste of our morality. “Family isn’t a word. It’s a sentence,” –The Royal Tennebaums.
Keeping it in the family
The Balancing Act
June 30, 2011
The asparagus steamed; the chicken sautéed. The aroma of potential burnt chicken and red peppers frothing the air. While I was controlling the tasks in front of me, I briefly considered the challenges of not only the cooking of my first, genuine meal but also of the time for my class work, planning a trip, and arranging to go to bed at a decent hour, which were consecutively before me. It seems that the past few months have put forth more challenges, I mean, opportunities to balance my time. Yes, it is true that during college I worked, socialized, dated, had a personal life and spent time with family. However, the older I become, the more my responsibilities increase. Now, it is graduate school, a new full time career and relationship, new living spaces, domestic duties, blog writing, travel, family and the additional sporadic obstacles and setbacks that arrive into my direction. The past few months since my move, the balancing act of each of these elements is of a current state but amplified. Some may consider that I am taking on too much; that I should give myself more time to become acclimated to my surroundings and life changes. Allow myself more personal space and time. Perhaps, this is true.
However, to the wife who massages her husband’s shoulders when he’s had a difficult day, prepared a delicious dinner, and also attended work that day; the father who works two jobs, plays with his children before leaving for the next job, and pays the bills every month while barely having the time to rest. Or, my sister who studies for law school, finishes a cooked dinner at the similar time every night, visits with friends, and still manages to look flawless. Finally, my mother, who studied for a new career, cooked dinner, tucked me in at night, dated, and still found the capability to raise me with strong values. The notion of delaying what others are accustomed to and manage is unjustifiable. This is just the beginning of what my life entails. If I can’t handle the obligations now, I will find it near impossible once I get married, birth children, and advance in my career. It is the reason I strive to do the best I can, to sacrifice when necessary, and smile despite the stress of the balancing act because I and everyone else is capable of that.
When I was in college, I learned the concept of time management. I didn’t realize how much it would become a main component in my successes and confidence. The future is upon me, and I look forward to how well I manage that. After all, “Nobody said life would be easy, they just said it would be worth it.”—Author Unknown
Also, the dinner turned out great. There wasn’t a burnt chicken in sight, so there wasn’t much to be intimidated about. The abilities of a person when they put their mind to something is astounding.