My Chinese Laundry

July 10, 2010

I booked my airline ticket to China today.  It is so hard to believe.  I am going to China.  I am leaving my job.  There is no turning back now.

The question that may be arising is, why am I doing this?  What made me decide to walk away my cushy salary, comfortable job and life, for less pay and an unbelievable sacrifice?

It all began last year around my birthday.  I was unhappy at my job because of reasons, I felt, were out of my own control.  Looking for job opportunities other places weren’t going well and I was going to interviews for other positions at my current company, which wasn’t going well either.  I suppose, my boss sensed my dissatisfaction and offered me another opportunity in the same department doing something more challenging.  I was excited for the change and took it.
However, I realized soon after I transferred, it wasn’t the right fit.  For ten months, I have been doing this job that I am good at yet I am still unhappy.  Around the beginning of the year, I started to consider that it wasn’t the job or the company; it was corporate America life.  Some people are not cut out for it.  I am one of them.  Or maybe right now.  I have grown so much and changed in the past few years while working at this firm; I have outgrown it.  I am not willing to play the political game, nor do I know how to do it.  I dislike waking up early to go to work.  Doing the same routine, monotonous tasks is wearing on me.  The people who can, I commend you because it isn’t easy.

Some background information about me is that I am an ambitious person; I desire to live an amazing life.  Travelling is also a huge love for me.  The life of 9-5 with my cat, apartment, and fancy car were a stagnant position.  It was for the short term and made me content for the time being.  The lifestyle allotted to me and the wisdom I have gained in recent years, much of that is attributed to my career.  It was enough, but it isn’t anymore. 

While doing my introspection and discussing my options with my family, I came to the conclusion, I needed a big change.  China.  The opportunity to teach English was before me.

At first thought, a thought was all it was.  But as the course of my unhappiness grew, so did the prospect of the endeavor before me.  I went forward with the application process, thinking that I had nothing to lose.  The further it went, the more the realization of going to China became a true consideration.

Despite the trepidation, the support and encouragement I received from family and close friends, made me know it was the best decision to make.  I also know I need an attitude adjustment that living in a different country can only teach a person.  When I come back, the generalization about appreciation will be prominent; my values will change as I reside in a country that puts more emphasis on their word, collectivism, and the hierarchical structure. The depth of a person I will become due to this experience is unexplainable at this time.

Before I depart on the plane, I may be feeling intense anxiety and doubt about what I just got myself into, however, what influences me to know it is the right decision is that this is the best time for me to do this and it may only be this one chance experience.

People are most likely judging me as crazy because I am doing this.  It is hard to understand for many people.  It is hard for me to understand when I rationalize it.  It may have begun as escape from the ordinary.  Now upon deeper reflection, escapism is the last reason.  In reality, my life is pretty damn great.  There is nothing to escape from.  Maybe just Florida.  America. 

I will miss all of you.  The next six weeks as I finish out my time at my company and prepare for my trip, will be the testament of my strength and resolve.  It is going to be really, really difficult to say goodbye to everyone I know and the life I have become attached to.  However, this is the choice I made.  I am about to be changed indefinitely.  Wish me luck.

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